There is much to be remarked upon in the two readings we have today. We hear how
Jesus calms a stormy sea and Paul tries to calm a stormy congregation.
And yet I must begin by telling you that these two passages take me back 20 years to two particular and important friendships. For with the story of the stormy sea I am reminded of my friend Chuck and his study of a Delacroix drawing of just this scene – wild, whipping dark strokes that surround a glowing centre of calm.
Days before he made this drawing I had pointed out to Chuck that he withdrew from me when I was in a state of turmoil but that he was content to be my friend when I was calm. With his drawing he showed me that he agreed with me that true friendship withstood the storms, and he never abandoned me again. To this day we are friends who, though we've seen each other but once in in these last ten years, can pick up the thread of conversation at any moment.
The line “impostors and yet true” speaks of the Chaplain and my best friend at Bard College. Frederick Q. Shafer once told me that this was to be his epitaph. I never really knew exactly why this line spoke to him, and yet I sensed that had to do with the way in which he grew into his role as an Episcopal priest.
You see wherever we approach a text; whenever and wherever we approach life we bring ourselves, our history.
Lately I have felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks that I need to accomplish in a short period of time. There is fear and because of fear, anger. And I do not like these two emotions. So I keep on going -trying to pretend they have nothing to do with me. This is when I feel like an impostor for certainly I know that I should / could take time to pray and be still....
but there is no time.... I have been collecting prayers for people in need, but think, oh my own prayers for these people seem to be found in the act of collecting... brief thoughts rise up... but lately I am living with a sense that I am not even one of the frightened disciples in the story, I am the storm itself.
And so the question is “who, or where are you in this story?” Are you in that place of calm with Jesus? Are you the storm raging around others, frightened and frightening? Are you a disciple feeling frightened and abandoned.... mystified that others can be so calm?
It is important to note that who you are today when you hear this text is not necessarily who you will be the next time you encounter it. At another time, I might not have thought of Chuck and the Delacroix ... but it is a time of change and loss – and finally, I must accept the storm of my emotions in order to find the calm.
Jesus could sleep through the storm because he knew that all things are in God's hands and he was in agreement with God's plan.
I don't have to be Jesus. I must only trust that he was right; God's intention for us is abundant and eternal life.
I want to believe that forgiveness is healing and trans-formative ....
and I do not know why it is so hard for us to forgive until, unless, we feel that justice has been achieved....
but in this world where profit is more important than personal and communal well-being, what would justice look like really?
We live in a world with shifting values. Business model values have taken over churches and charitable institutions... They have imposed their power over the academic world as well. The other day I came across a book that named the new governing power of the world: the Multinational corporation. This kind of business model of “take and rape and never mind the conditions of the workers” demonstrates the shift away from Biblically based values... of course this selfishness is not new – Amos and other prophets rail against such disregard for human life.
I guess what I am trying to say is yes, God's intention for us is our wholeness and joy. I believe that God created us to live in love and yet I do not have the perspective that God has, I do not have the patience of God.
What is the use of seeing the wrong, of feeling anger, if that rising energy is not guided somehow to create blessing in the world?
Jesus sleeps because he has already accepted that he will suffer and die. He need not be afraid. He can save the fear for the moment just before, when its reality will hit him fully... but even then he will be sustained by continuing the practice of faith which has long been a part of him.
Impostor and yet true. I have always wondered how I can love God and still be afraid. Or at least I have wondered this since I was sixteen and looked at the text in 1 John and realized that if one applied logical thinking something was wrong... “perfect love casts out fear.” Either I was not loving fully or perhaps God was not loving me – why else do I have this fear?
And yet you know, feelings can be deceptive – I have come to realize that I absorb other people's feelings... Perhaps I have carried fear for someone else all these years... Certainly when I was with Martin I held his anger for him – it was a silent and nearly unconscious arrangement.... he did not like unpleasant emotions, I was afraid of anger so it was better if I did the anger (I thought) then it wouldn't hurt me, but anger is exhausting
and hard on the soul. And yet even with the arrangement, I was still afraid of Martin
Over thirty ago, my high school history teacher, Mr Heineman told me, after we watched newsreels of Nazi concentration camps and I was inconsolable, that I must never let the evil I witness in the world destroy me, or else it would gain a greater victory.
One sees this horrific victory of evil played out over and over when people reject God, and cannot trust in the “goodness” of God because of the evil they see manifested in the world.
Paul shows us the paradox of faith; salvation is not liberation from experiences of evil; it is the promise that through faith we can experience God's love, have healthy souls even in the face of evil..
It is in keeping with this paradox that Paul describes himself and his companions as impostors and yet true; unknown and yet well known; dying and yet alive-- sorrowful and yet always rejoicing... as having nothing yet possessing everything.
With these words Paul brings me back to a vision I once had of the hand reaching into the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Within the tree was balance; when we pluck the fruit we disrupt the balance and then the evil in our hand seems so much more overpowering.
But the power of evil is an illusion. Jesus knew this when he spoke to the wind and waves and commanded them to be still.
God has given us the power to co-create this world. Too often, as Milton said, we create a hell of heaven and a heaven of hell.
Do not accept the grace of God in vain... but open wide your hearts... do not make the grace of God as nothing in your life...
Just remember that for all those who have chosen to make a hell on earth God has granted us power and imagination and faith to us in order to make a heaven.
The world may be in turmoil around us but we are invited to become still points of glowing calm; we have been granted a voice that can be heard; be still, be at peace.
